I’m sitting here just trying to convince myself I am worth it. I can climb the mountain, sing the song, conquer the fear and getting my life back. Just for once in my life, I am doing something for me. Making something right, making things as they are supposed to. Now I almost love my life, but can I keep on doing this? Holding my happiness? Just being me? How can I keep feeling like this, without loosing something on the way? Have I forgotten something? Will everything end with “and she lived happily ever after”? Looking back at all the memories, lies and denial, I feel sad. Sad for that girl, who is stuck in her own head. She is still me, but I’m not all the same. Some days are hard. I’m hard to accept, hard to keep trying and hard to not think destructive.
Somedays I cry. Cry for that little girl. Cry for all the pain she is going through. Nothing is or was worth the pain.