To make a long story short, last night was a great night. I have to admit that I had abit too much alcohol, and it was my first time being drunk. Where I live, there’s a long tradition of drinking after you are 15. I have felt the pressure for a long while now, and have gone my own way. I felt alone and left out. When everyone was drinking and having a great time. So I decided, why the heck don’t try. I have plenty to celebrate! My way on recovery, the great exams and my final grades at the end. I was extatic when I saw the result. But in a way, I didn’t feel that I deserved it. That it wasn’t me that did it, it was my “perfection” disorder.
I kind of felt like a fool, stumbling, gigling and doing foolish things.. But I realized that for once I had a great time. And I actually didn’t feel guilty for enjoying myself. But I felt out of control. That I couldn’t do decisions I normally could. But for once it was great to just let go and be happy. I know alcohol doesn’t solve problems, just pushes them further and makes them more difficult. I didn’t feel that my disorder that controlled me, it was something else. Not feeling the pain and the sorrow was so relieving.
But from pathetic to serious. Lately I have been looking for movies about eating disorder. Just to see it in another perspective. At first I found it triggering, and wanted to go back. But them I relized that life isn’t just about being thin. And it is possible to recover. So I thought I could share one with you guys.
PS: I want to inform you that I wouldn’t be posting for a while. I’m going on a small vacation this weekend. I hope I can relax and just enjoy it. See you later 😀
For The Love of Nancy