I’ve kind of been the though and tomboy before. Playing around and having a great time. I guess I didn’t have time to be afraid. But of course I was scared of being left by myself. That my parents would die. I wasn’t even scared of being left out. I was confident that I was good enough and I outshined the others. Having a brother took a tall on me. Usually I was the center of attention and felt that everybody loved me and everything was done my way. This confidence from home, made me shine outside the walls. But when I was attached from the inside, I was beaten out of the game. So gradually as I grew, my confidence dropped. So I was afraid of being forgotten and not loved.
I’m afraid of…..
….. snakes, spiders and sharks. I’ve always been the most afraid of serpents.
…..the thought of losing my mother tears me apart. She’s everything to me. So basically if she dies I would die too.
….. being rejected. The feeling of not being good enough really scares me. Often I have the feeling every day, so I’m kind of used to this feeling.
….. going to bed. There’s kind of an strange feeling. I’m afraid of being overwhelmed of myself and the devil (my ED).
….. myself. It’s hard to know exactly what I’m thinking of 24-7. Sometimes I’m pretty unpredictable. Sometimes it can get out of hand.
….. being left alone. I don’t want to be the underdeveloped person sitting in the corner.
….. becoming fat.