Happy birthday…. or not.

Today was my birthday. Sweet sixteen which they say. And I really want this year to be sweet, better that what what I have gone through. Lately I have been really emotional. I have cried when I really thought about my life. How sad and depressing I have been. The little bobble I have lived in and believed was the reality. I was wrong. I didn’t live, and I still don’t live. I just survive. Fighting to stay allive. Struggling, and trying to get through the days.

Today have not either been one of the good. Even with the attention. I still feel the way I do. And I am really angry at myself, not enjoying the days I have. You never know how long you have to live. Mabye just 56 days, or mabye over thousands of days. So me and my body have not been the best of friends lately. So I wrote a letter to it. For me, “actions speaks louder that words” is really true. I have to “take the first step before I walk the distance” .

 

Dear Body,

I’m sorry I don’t love you. I know everyone deserves to be loved. You haven’t done anything wrong. It’s me, not you as the cliché say. Even if everyone say I should love you, because you are perfect, great and unique, I can’t make myself feel that way. You are patient with me and stick with me through difficulties. You are always there to back me up. I know we haven’t been the best of friends lately, and I have not seen the best in you. My mind can’t cope with the way you are. For me you are not perfect. You can never be. You’re not the one for me. I’m sorry that I hurt you; I’ll try to make it work. I hope you are still patient. I will get there, we will get there. To the end it will be all right.

Love, Ingrid

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