I have started blogging another blog. I write about my way to America as an exchange student, and it’s kind of my new chapter in life. But, at that blog I write in Norwegian, so for you who aren’t Norwegian or understand Norwegian, I’m sorry.
http://toamericawithlove.ipublish.no
I feel like writing this. Mabye it isn’t good for me. But right now I don’t care of what I should and shouldn’t do. I finally feel that I am almost at the end of the road. After blood and tears. After all the hurtful things I have gone through. All the shit I have dealed with, inside and out.
I know, I hate reading this stuff on others blogs. That they have no time left for their little “blogbubble”, because that is what it really is. . It’s time to be real. Go out, and embrace the reality and life. I feel like this is the end. The end of the anorexic chapter in my life. I am me again. Finally. I want to embrace it, for better and for worse. I am finally ready. Ready to spread my wings and take of. To go to unlimited hights.
Actually it’s sad. I’m sad to leave you all alone. I will miss you. All of your positive comments and support. Right now I’m actually sitting here crying. Crying by myself. Thinking of how my life will be. How much I have grown. And how strong and independent I have become.
I know I will regret this, leaving you all behind. But later I will thank myself, letting completely go of my anorexia. And Iwill let you guys know that you probably will see me in the US next year. Because there is where I’m heading. To the states. To the land of the free. And that has been my ultimate motivation. To follow my dream. And that has been one of my biggest dreams. To go to the US as an exchange student. And now I feel that I am ready. It’s time.
It’s time for me to go. Take care everybody.I will carry you inside my heart, as clichè as it sounds.
I’m finally worthy. Worthy of happiness, life and love. Just to live life. And be myself.
I have been in recovery for 1 year today. And am so proud of what I have achieved this year. It have been a real turn operation for me!
So, me as an exchange student? That is the question. I don’t know if i have mentioned it, because so much more is taking place in my life right now.
Maybe you think to yourself. Why America? Sure Australia and Brazil would be great, but to be honest I’m too scared of the animals there. My worst fear is to being faced with situations which include snakes, spiders or sharks. So no thank you.
The country America really exties me. The land of the free, as I like to call it. And the land of possibilities. I know there are many bad things about and in the US, but which countries don’t have anything bad about them? No one or nothing is perfect. By the way, that is one of my mottos in life. Because I am extremely competitive. So I tell myself, nothing is perfect. I want to get to know America. The country I have heard so much about and seen so much from. I want to feel the high school spirit, and know the life of an American girl. I know it may not be as in the high school films, but I want to get to know it my way. For better and for worse.
I have to mention that I have prepared myself for what I will give to my host family. So now you know how obsessed I am about this idea. I thought about bringing some brown cheese and a cheese slicer. Very exotic according to the Americans. And easy too. But I understand that I guess. Another creative suggestions is to make a album with pictures of me and stuff. Of me and the life in the freezing country Norway. It would probably be great fun. And a nice gesture too.
Of course I have some favorite states in USA. I can read from my wish list, 1. California, 2. New York, 3. South Carolina, 4. New Jersey, 5. Massachusetts, 6. Florida and 7. Georgia. I have changed my list allot though. Why would I leave home? I don’t find it scary to leave home, I just find it empowering and exiting. I want to experience life, get to know other cultures and their way of life. I want to be a free, an independent and a strong person. And I know that will be the reality if I get to fulfil my dream.
I have fought so hard for this. It have actually been one of my biggest motivations towards recovery. So, to be able to go to America and study, would be so symbolic to me. To know and feel that I can do anything in life. So I cross my fingers, legs and everything that I got, so I can go the states.
Music have had such a big part of my life in recovery. It have made me realize that life is good. Life can be lived, and that life has no limits. But only you can take it the way want it.
My motivational playlist:
I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing by Aerosmith
You learn by Alanis Morissette
Be Yourself by Audioslave
Human by Civil Twilight
Letters From The Sky by Civil Twilight
Passenger Seat by Death Cab for Cutie
I’m Ready by Chase Boy/Dear Juliet
Hey There Delilah by Plain White T’s
Gabriellas Sång by Helen Sjøholm
Somewhere Only We Know by Keane
I’ve Got Soul,But I’m Not A Soldier by The Killers
No Longer by The Kooks
Girl America by Mat Kearney
Go The Distance by Michael Bolton
The Climb by Miley Cyrus
Open Your Eyes by Snowpatrol
Goodbye To You by Michelle Branch
When You Believe by Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey
Whatever by Oasis
A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton
Courage by Superchic(k)
Pieces by Sum 41
Courage is… by The Strange Familiar
Hero by Mariah Carey
and for last my favorite. <3
Running Away by Midnight Hour
Life is really about….
Life is to be lived,
not just to survive.
Life is to enjoy,
not to suffer.
Life is to laugh,
not to cry.
Life is to believe in you,
not to think your unworthy.
Life is about dreams,
not about wanting to die.
Life is about being you…
By me.
That is on really common question I see allot. How do you really get better? Of course it’s a individual question, but the main thing is to find things that motivate you and remind you of life. Not the toughts about you not wanting to be you. Because you are stuck with you anyways. And each person in the world is special their own way. No one is like you.
This is a list of things that have helped me on the right path:
-I’ve embraced myself in a creative way, by getting my feelings on a sheat of paper
-Finding inspirational through songs, poems, quotes and pictures
-Writing down my true emotions
-Talking to my friends and family open hearted
-Write down my goals and dreams in life (dreams are important!)
-Join the forum Somethingfishy
-Write my own blog about me and my eating disorder in a good way
-Have a therapist that have helped me allot and a own crew that followed me through
-Boxing as an physical exercise (to be able to express myself)
My painting which expressed the way I felt at the time. Caught in a net of allot of feelings and sorrow. About wanting to die and wanting to live.
“I’m there”
I believe it’s so much more than this.
I finally feel that I can be me, because I’ worth it.
Fashion and style is a way of expressing your self. Somedays I live and breath fashion.
“Fashion fades, only style remains the same.”
-Coco Channel
Fashion makes me smile.
Fashion makes me exited.
Fashion makes me feel good.
Fashion makes me me.
Since I love you guys so much, I will share my precious pages with you.
My favorite fashion blogs:
- Elenita
